In this exercise, I invite you to take a piece of paper and fold it in half. On one side, jot down your strengths, and on the other side, write down your weaknesses. Don't spend too much time thinking or analyzing; the goal is to be honest and spontaneous. Take just a couple of minutes to complete this exercise; you probably already have a few things in mind.
Now, let's reflect on your lists. I'm willing to bet that you focused more on the weaknesses side and that it ended up being longer than the strengths side.
Why did I make this prediction? Well, when people who are seeking confidence try to identify their strengths or anything positive about themselves, it's incredibly challenging for them to do so objectively. The list of strengths usually turns out to be disappointingly short, potentially inaccurate, and even misleading. If your best friend were to read only your lists of strengths and weaknesses, they might struggle to recognize you based on that description. So, this exercise isn't intended to help you assess your strengths and weaknesses; instead, it provides a glimpse into your current mindset, core beliefs, and negative biases.
Understanding the Distorted Self-Image
Individuals who struggle with self-confidence often tend to be excessively self-critical and have a distorted perception of their abilities. Recognizing their true strengths and weaknesses becomes an arduous task, as negative emotions overshadow their judgment. Even when they excel at something, it feels like a fluke or mere luck, causing them to downplay or dismiss their accomplishments. On the other hand, failures align with their expectations, leading them to magnify and dwell on them when assessing their self-worth and personal achievements. It is important to note that many of these weaknesses are merely products of fear and negative past experiences, while the strengths are often marginalized or rationalized away.
The extensive list of perceived weaknesses reflects more of our anxieties and past setbacks than an accurate representation of reality. In fact, many of these weaknesses are not weaknesses at all but rather instances where we may have faced temporary failure or lack positive memories. Alternatively, if certain traits or flaws genuinely exist, we tend to amplify them and perceive them as worse than they truly are. Through this exercise, it is my hope that you have gained some insight into how you perceive yourself—believing in your lack of abilities and talent, attributing success to luck, and feeling like a fundamentally flawed individual. It may be the first time you have articulated these emotions into words, allowing for a deeper exploration of your self-perception.
Objective Self-Assessment of Strengths and Weaknesses
For this next exercise, we will revisit the previous task, but with a twist: this time, we will focus on your actual strengths and weaknesses. Let's define a strength as something you excel in compared to many of your friends or something you are objectively above average at. Similarly, a weakness is defined as something in which you fall behind compared to many of your friends or something you are objectively below average at.
As you write your lists this time, try to adopt the perspective of a friend or acquaintance who is compiling the list. Consider all the compliments you have received and how others have appraised you. Ask yourself: What concrete evidence do I have for these positive or negative traits? If you find that you have limited evidence to support a trait, it's okay to leave it off. For instance, saying something silly once when you were ten years old doesn't mean you lack intelligence.
Strive to make the length of both lists approximately equal. For every weakness you identify, list a corresponding strength to ensure an accurate depiction of yourself. If you decide to incorporate some strengths and weaknesses from the previous list, consider which ones truly align with the new definitions. Reflect on the weaknesses you may be omitting and the reasons behind your choices. To introduce more objectivity, consider asking a friend to help you review and edit your lists. It is common for individuals to struggle with objective self-assessment, even after being provided with clear definitions of strengths and weaknesses.
During this second round of the exercise, pay attention to how it feels as you write your lists. Notice any resistance that arises, such as thoughts like, "Sure, the instructions suggest equal length, but the author doesn't understand me. I genuinely have more flaws than the average person..." Be attentive to your own negative biases that might be rushing in to interpret everything. Also, observe whether you were quick to dismiss something that any objective observer would likely consider a strength.
Take the time to truly observe your thoughts and reactions throughout this exercise. It can provide valuable insights into your mindset and the presence of any negative biases that may influence your self-perception.
The Importance of Recognizing Your Actual Strengths and Weaknesses
The purpose of taking inventory of your actual strengths and weaknesses is to challenge and change the negative narrative that has been ingrained within you for years. The voice in your head, often critical and self-deprecating, has repeatedly told you what you cannot achieve and why you are not worthy. However, this narrative is inaccurate, and compiling a simple list of strengths and weaknesses serves as evidence of that fact. Engaging in this exercise allows you to obtain a genuine and precise understanding of yourself, which in turn helps diminish the significance of your weaknesses while highlighting and normalizing your strengths. In essence, you grant yourself permission to view yourself in a more positive light than before. By doing so, you provide concrete proof that your own negative assumptions and narratives hold substantial influence over your self-perception.
It is crucial to acknowledge that each of us possesses an ability, trait, or habit in which we can be confident—a talent that might make us exceptional, even if it appears trivial, such as tongue-twisting or finding parking spaces. These unique talents hold value and should not be dismissed as insignificant. Moreover, we all have something to take pride in, something we would feel comfortable showcasing in front of others. Beyond the visible gifts and skills we can display, we all possess the capacity to be kind and thoughtful friends, individuals who keep our word, work diligently, practice good habits, and offer support to our families. Each of us is an entirely distinct individual, deserving of a place in the world just like the millions of other unique individuals around us. Take a moment to reflect: Have you consistently downplayed and discounted these aspects of yourself without even realizing it?
Developing a Realistic View of Your Capabilities and Innate Value
By striving to gain an objective and realistic view of your abilities and recognizing your inherent worth as a human being, you can anchor your confidence in what is genuine rather than in what is imagined or distorted. It is important to acknowledge that everyone in the world has weaknesses and areas in need of improvement. However, individuals who exude confidence allow themselves to identify with their strengths and positive attributes. They possess a deep understanding that as human beings, they encompass both positive and negative aspects. Having flaws does not define one's entire character; instead, confident individuals choose to emphasize their goodness and place it at the core of their self-perception.
If you are truly honest with yourself, you possess a clear awareness of your positive traits. However, you may find yourself battling against the compulsion to be modest when acknowledging your strengths. Many of us have been conditioned to act small, downplay our abilities, and yield to others, particularly women. Others have been taught that embracing and embracing our own talents and brilliance is perceived as selfish and discomforting to others. Consequently, we may choose to hide our capabilities in order to avoid drawing attention to ourselves. Alternatively, being "modest" can be a classic coping mechanism that sets lower expectations, ensuring that we never feel like we fall short. By not attempting, we eliminate the possibility of failure. In essence, it becomes an excuse—an excuse that disguises itself as modesty but instead becomes another breeding ground for insecurity, effectively keeping us within our comfort zone.
Regardless of how you may feel today, always remember to hold onto the knowledge of your strengths, talents, and past achievements. Nothing substantial has changed to separate you from the person you were on those days when you felt high and accomplished. Embrace the reality of your capabilities and allow them to serve as a source of encouragement and inspiration. They are a testament to your potential and an affirmation that you possess the capacity to overcome challenges and reach new heights, even during moments of self-doubt.
Building Confidence Through a Personal Confidence Resume
It's time to take inventory and strengthen your confidence, as these reflections and accomplishments serve as evidence of your true potential and past successes. They may also offer insight into how others perceive you.
In this regard, I would like to introduce the concept of the Confidence Resume. Much like a traditional job application resume, the Confidence Resume is not meant to be shared with others; it is a personal document intended solely for your benefit. Just as you would regularly review and update your professional resume, the Confidence Resume should be periodically revisited and revised. Its purpose is to transform the narrative you hold about yourself.
When you have crafted your Confidence Resume, you will have a valuable tool that allows you to glimpse at it and instantly recognize that your current self-perception does not align with who you truly are. Your low self-confidence acts as a distorting filter, casting a shadow over your positive qualities, making you feel small, inadequate, and insignificant. However, the truth is that you are so much more. You stand above these self-imposed limitations, and the evidence is right in front of you. Each item on your Confidence Resume represents a factual aspect of yourself, which you may have suppressed or overlooked while constructing a negative self-narrative.
The Power of Your Confidence Resume
The contents of your Confidence Resume serve as undeniable proof of your greatness, illustrating your accomplishments, character, and incredible potential. If you found it challenging to brainstorm this information, it suggests that you may hold an excessively negative perception of yourself. However, fear not, for you have the ability to transform this outlook, no matter how deeply ingrained it may be. With determination and perseverance, you will unravel the layers of self-doubt and emerge stronger than ever.
The distinction lies in more than just telling yourself that you're a good person; it lies in being able to confidently list five remarkable qualities that make you an impressive individual. By having your Confidence Resume readily available, you equip yourself with a powerful weapon to combat your inner demons whenever you experience moments of self-doubt. Consider it an emotional inoculation, a potent medicine designed to counteract the debilitating symptoms associated with low self-confidence.
Constructing Your Confidence Resume
Creating your Confidence Resume is a transformative process that requires thoughtful consideration and reflection. It may not be easy to come up with these remarkable qualities and experiences on the spot, which is why it is crucial to construct your resume beforehand. By doing so, you capture those invaluable aspects of yourself that might otherwise remain hidden in the depths of your mind. So, what exactly should be included in your Confidence Resume? While this serves as a guide, feel free to personalize it and develop your own unique list. Consider the following suggestions as a starting point, as they have proven effective in my own journey:
Ten Most Notable Accomplishments: Reflect on the significant milestones you have achieved in your life. These could be academic, professional, personal, or any other domain where you have excelled.
Five Most Unique Experiences: Recall the moments that set you apart from others, those extraordinary and memorable events that have shaped your life and broadened your perspective.
Five Most Impressive Moments: Identify instances where you demonstrated exceptional skills, talents, or qualities that left a lasting impact on yourself and others.
Five Things You've Done That No One Else Has: Highlight the extraordinary feats or experiences that are exclusive to you. These can be moments of innovation, creativity, or personal triumphs that make you truly one-of-a-kind.
Ten Things You Can Do That No One Else Can: Embrace your unique abilities and talents that distinguish you from others. These can be specialized skills, talents, or areas of expertise that set you apart in a remarkable way.
As you compile these elements, your Confidence Resume will gradually transform into an impressive and captivating document. It serves as a reminder of the incredible person you are, someone who has conquered challenges, embarked on remarkable adventures, and possesses an array of exceptional qualities. Imagine encountering a person in the world who has achieved these remarkable feats and possesses these exceptional traits—wouldn't you find them fascinating and want to know more about them? Well, that person is you. This is the conclusion that the evidence supports. Any other conclusion that undermines your worth must be a product of your own internal dialogue.
Crafting a Comprehensive Confidence List
As you embark on the task of compiling your confidence list, allow yourself to express everything that fills you with pride, a sense of uniqueness, or piques your interest. However, you may also notice inclinations to jot down aspects that simply make you who you are – your values, perspectives, background, the challenges you have conquered, and the principles that guide you. It is essential to acknowledge that these intrinsic elements contribute significantly to your identity.
In the process of creating your list, you might find yourself grappling with the absence of flashy anecdotes to share at social gatherings or struggling to identify experiences that distinguish you from others. Rest assured, such concerns are inconsequential. Remember, you are and will always be a unique individual. If you find yourself grappling with a scarcity of items, take a moment to delve deeper. Consider your ongoing efforts to improve yourself – what does this reveal about your honesty, courage, and conscientiousness?
While it is important to celebrate attributes such as physical attractiveness or a stylish haircut, it is equally vital to include qualities that remain with you indefinitely. A good sense of humor, a commitment to justice and fairness, and unwavering compassion and reasonability are examples of enduring traits that hold immense significance. At times, we may become preoccupied with highlighting monumental achievements or material possessions in our lists, seeking validation or attempting to outshine others. Yet, authentic and profound confidence stems from contentment, self-acceptance, and an unwavering understanding of who we truly are.
Take the time to carefully write out your confidence list, and make it a habit to review it regularly. Consider transcribing it onto an index card, carrying it with you as a source of confidence whenever you find yourself contemplating taking action. Remember, you have demonstrated your capabilities in the past, and you are fully capable of doing so again in the future.
Embrace the power of this comprehensive confidence list, allowing it to serve as a constant reminder of your unique qualities, personal triumphs, and unwavering authenticity. By acknowledging and appreciating your innate worth, you nurture a deep-seated confidence that emanates from within. Embrace the journey of self-discovery and self-acceptance, celebrating the remarkable individual you are and the incredible potential that lies within you.