CBT, or Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, is a well-researched approach that can help us deal with the internal conversations that come with worry, anxiety, regret, shame, grief, guilt, blame, and low self-esteem. Life presents us with various challenges, hardships, and unexpected events. How we perceive them can either be painful and unjust, or manageable and growth-inducing, depending on the mindset we develop through our self-talk.
It's important to note that CBT is not about simply "thinking positively." Instead, it focuses on thinking more clearly, realistically, and neutrally, without cognitive distortions. In CBT, our thoughts, emotions, and actions are all interconnected. This means that if we can change our thoughts, we have the ability to change our feelings and, consequently, how we behave (and vice versa).
Three Steps to Overcoming Negative Self-Talk and Cognitive Distortions
Step 1 of the process is to observe your thinking and become aware of the thoughts and distortions that used to happen automatically.
In Step 2, you will learn how to gently and consistently challenge these thoughts and the core beliefs that lie beneath them. This step involves testing the accuracy of these thoughts.
Moving on to Step 3, you will work on replacing these distorted thoughts and beliefs with healthier ones that are more accurate. By doing this, you can create a more balanced and optimistic life for yourself. However, before we proceed to this crucial step, let's take a closer look at the language of negative self-talk and how to identify triggers and warning signs. This will help you intervene and prevent cognitive distortions from taking hold in your mind.
Step 1: Observe
Self-talk consists solely of words; that's its essence. It's like an internal screenplay that we create. The remarkable thing is that words can be modified, removed, or rewritten. It's crucial to focus on distinguishing between fact and fiction and to compare our thoughts with objective reality as much as possible. This approach allows us to refine the content of our thoughts. Additionally, we must consider the style, grammar, vocabulary, and tone of the language we use when talking to ourselves.
Let's consider two statements as examples:
"You've utterly failed, you big fat idiot."
"You didn't pass the quiz that time."
Both statements pertain to the same event and are technically equivalent in terms of factual accuracy (e.g., "didn't pass" is synonymous with "failed"). However, it is evident that they carry distinct emotional nuances and will have diverse impacts on the individual thinking them.
Recognizing Automatic Negative Self-Talk
Recognizing automatic negative self-talk becomes easier with practice. It typically has distinct characteristics that you can identify. This type of self-talk is often brief, impulsive, and emotionally charged, using strong words. Alternatively, it may have a repetitive and circular nature. It tends to include overgeneralizations, employing terms like "always," "never," "nobody," "should," "nothing," "must," and "completely." Additionally, negative self-talk often involves guilt, self-blame, and judgment.
Pay attention to language that spirals, feeds on itself, or intensifies progressively. Be cautious of thoughts that you immediately accept as true without a second thought. Automatic thoughts are frequently infused with emotions such as fear, anger, or shame. The language used will reflect this, and at the very least, you will recognize it as negative self-talk because it makes you feel terrible when you listen to it.
Step 2: Challenge
Congratulations if you catch yourself engaging in negative self-talk. However, it would be even better to avoid it altogether or interrupt it before it takes hold by being aware of what usually triggers such thoughts for you. When negative thoughts are still small, they are easier to recognize and manage.
The technique known as "thought stopping" emerged in the late 1950s within the field of sport psychology. It was designed to swiftly halt self-defeating and anxious thoughts that hindered performance. For a detailed overview, refer to Zinsser, Bunker, and Williams' book published in 2010, titled "Cognitive Techniques for Building Confidence and Enhancing Performance." The concept involves using a behavioral or mental cue to quickly break free from a negative self-talk cycle.
The Art of Thought Stopping and Redirecting Attention
For individuals dealing with mental health conditions like panic disorders, it can be particularly challenging to distract oneself once a negative thought arises. However, this technique serves as a valuable tool to increase awareness of these thoughts and replace them, similar to practicing mindfulness.
Using cues like pinching yourself, visualizing a red light, or verbally saying "stop" can redirect your conscious attention to the present moment and away from negative self-talk. This technique essentially involves beneficial distraction, and it becomes even more effective when you swiftly shift your focus to a more preferable subject, such as a realistic thought. It signifies an assertive stance against the inner dialogue that only leads you to undesirable places.
It's important to note that the technique may have adverse effects if you constantly monitor yourself for failures to criticize. The key is to approach the process with mindfulness, avoiding self-punishment or judgment. If you try this technique for some time and find that it worsens the problem, it's advisable to ease up, be more compassionate with yourself, or explore alternative techniques. Thought stopping may be helpful for surface-level rumination, but deeper anxieties might require a slower and more deliberate approach.
A Step-by-Step Guide to the Technique of Stopping Unwanted Thoughts
If you're interested in trying the technique, here's how to get started:
Make a list: Write down all the distressing, recurring, distracting, and unwanted thoughts that you want to stop paying attention to. Rank them from the most distressing to the least. This could include thoughts like, "My boss will discover my incompetence and fire me" or "This lump might indicate cancer."
Prepare yourself: Find a quiet, private space and spend some time visualizing a situation where the most distressing thought could enter your mind. Focus on the thought, exploring its details and how it affects you. Then, abruptly interrupt the thought.
Use a cue: Stand up quickly, say "Stop!" out loud, open your eyes wide, make a loud clapping noise, or snap your fingers. Clear your mind and try to maintain that emptiness for about thirty seconds. If the thought tries to return, repeat "stop" as many times as necessary.
Remember, practice and persistence are key. It may take time and effort to train your mind to respond to the "stop" cue and let go of the distressing thoughts. Be patient with yourself and keep practicing the technique.
Overcoming Rumination and Gaining Mental Control
The purpose of practicing thought stopping is to gain experience in interrupting rumination in the middle of a thought. With time, you can gradually become less drastic in your interruption and internalize the "stop" cue, so you only need to say it quietly to yourself. Remember that you don't necessarily have to use the word "stop"; you can also visualize your thoughts as traffic that obediently halts at a red light. Another helpful technique is to say out loud, "I'm having a thought about XYZ right now," as a reminder that it's just a thought and to create some distance from it.
Keep in mind that thoughts are merely words—a script that you can halt and rewrite. The challenging part is recognizing the thought, but once you do, understand that it has no power over you unless you give it attention. Develop a habit of using certain phrases to interrupt unwanted thoughts, shift your focus, and reaffirm your choice to follow certain thoughts while letting go of others. Here are some examples:
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Don't go there
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Let it be
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Let it go
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It's in the past
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Leave it alone
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Focus
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Don't pay attention
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Slow down
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This, too, will pass
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It doesn't matter
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Breathe
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You've got this
Using the thought-stopping technique may make some individuals uncomfortable, as they may wonder if it means ignoring their problems.
Managing Unwanted Thoughts and Embracing Emotional Well-Being
It is important to keep in mind that thought stopping is most effective when used for thoughts that you recognize as intrusive, unwanted, and genuinely unhelpful. These are the thoughts that you have already identified as irrational, untrue, or exaggerated, and you understand that entertaining them will only bring about stress and worry.
Your objective is to tolerate and manage anxiety instead of disregarding it entirely. Likewise, incorporating thought stopping into your mental toolbox does not mean that you are incapable of listening to your own intuition or responding when a situation genuinely calls for concern. Thought stopping serves as a mental mechanism that allows you to interrupt catastrophic rumination before it consumes you.
Alternative Techniques for Interrupting Runaway Thoughts
For some individuals, the thought-stopping technique described above may feel somewhat punitive and may not be effective for them. Fortunately, there are numerous other techniques that are based on the same principles. One option to try is scattered counting. While counting to ten is a common anger-management technique, it can become automatic, allowing your mind to continue ruminating as you count. Instead, try jumping around with random numbers to engage your thoughts more actively, such as "43, 12, 5, 88, 356, 90, 5..."
Similarly, using a mantra or spoken word can interrupt runaway thoughts. Choose a more complex nonsensical phrase or a phrase in another language to prevent it from becoming too automatic. Alternatively, you can select affirmations that are tailored to your specific triggers or negative beliefs about yourself. Although they may take time to be effective, many people find affirmations helpful because our brains eventually come to perceive them as true. These affirmations can be quotes from religious texts or statements like "I believe in myself" and "I am in control of my thoughts." You can recite them silently or out loud, but it's important to do so with conviction. Repeating lines that you don't truly believe will be ineffective, so choose affirmations that resonate with you.
Self-Soothing Techniques: Using Positive Self-Talk and Distractions
You can try practicing self-soothing by using encouraging positive self-talk, such as saying to yourself, "Don't worry, you can handle this" or "You're doing great!" Engaging your auditory senses can also be helpful, such as playing a song you like or listening to a podcast to divert your attention from anxious overthinking.
Another effective technique is to use a physical cue as a distraction. You can change your physical position, do a few jumping jacks, or go for a quick jog outside to break out of thought loops. Alternatively, you can shift your focus to somatic awareness by concentrating on your breath and practicing muscle isolation.
Find a comfortable sitting or lying position, close your eyes, and gradually go through each of your muscles starting from your toes. Squeeze each muscle as tightly as you can for five seconds, then release and relax completely. Move up through your feet, legs, and continue until you reach the muscles in your face and scalp. This exercise not only helps release physical tension but also diverts your busy mind and brings it into the present moment.
Muscle isolation can serve as a beneficial warmup for a formal sitting meditation practice or a soothing conclusion to a mindfulness session. Enhance the experience by playing gentle and soothing music or by immersing yourself in nature, feeling the warmth of the sun and the gentle breeze on your skin.
Staring Down Your Thoughts in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
In Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), a technique known as "staring down your thoughts" can be beneficial. Instead of avoiding or escaping from distressing thoughts, you confront them directly and question their impact. Ask yourself, "What's the worst that could happen?" and examine your ruminations with a skeptical mindset. Often, the perceived severity of the situation is exaggerated, and the actual outcome is not as dire as initially thought. Research indicates that humans possess remarkable adaptability, even in the face of significant challenges such as the loss of limbs or eyesight. Individuals tend to return to a baseline level of happiness over time. Therefore, regardless of your worries, it is highly likely that you have the resilience to cope with them, even if they were to materialize.
To reinforce this perspective, you can visualize yourself gracefully and confidently confronting the worst-case scenario. Picture yourself successfully handling the problem and realizing that it is not the end of the world, even if the worst were to occur. This visualization can help reduce the intensity of catastrophic ruminations and provide a sense of reassurance.
Step 3: Replace
Some thoughts we have are clearly useless and untrue, and we can easily discard them or use the techniques discussed earlier to stop them in their tracks. With practice, you will become skilled at recognizing these completely harmful thoughts, such as "I'm probably going to die" or "Everyone hates me," and releasing them immediately.
However, there are thoughts that are more subtle and may have a grain of truth to them. In these cases, it is more appropriate to rewrite these thoughts rather than discarding them entirely. Rewriting requires a degree of conscious discernment, where you carefully evaluate what kind of life script will serve you best. It is important to note that this step should only be taken after you have developed a good awareness of the types of self-talk you engage in. Without this awareness, these techniques may inadvertently worsen the problem instead of solving it.
By practicing conscious discernment, you can effectively identify thoughts that require rewriting and choose a more empowering and realistic perspective. This process allows you to align your self-talk with your desired life script and promote your overall well-being and growth.
Exercise 1: Analyzing and Rewriting Your Self-Talk Patterns
In this exercise, we will focus on recognizing and analyzing your self-talk patterns in order to rewrite them effectively. By following these steps, you can gain insight into the triggers and effects of your thoughts, and uncover underlying core beliefs that may influence your self-talk.
Step 1: Document your self-talk
Using a method of your choice (such as a journal or inventory), record your self-talk over a week. Pay attention to the specific thoughts that arise in different situations or in response to certain events, feelings, or people.
Step 2: Identify self-talk patterns
After the week is over, review your recorded self-talk and look for common themes or patterns. Ask yourself:
What type of self-talk is it? Is it catastrophizing (imagining the worst-case scenario) or mindreading (assuming what others think)?
What triggered these thoughts? Were there specific events, thoughts, feelings, people, or situations that preceded them?
Are there any recurring threads or similarities among your self-talk statements?
What are the effects or outcomes of these thoughts? How do they make you feel or behave?
What do these thoughts reveal about your core beliefs or underlying assumptions?
Step 3: Evaluate and reframe
Once you have identified patterns in your self-talk, assess whether these thoughts are helpful, accurate, or constructive. If you find that certain thoughts are useless or untrue, you can discard them immediately or use the techniques discussed earlier to stop them in their tracks.
For thoughts that have a grain of truth or appear more subtle, it's important to engage in a process of conscious discernment. Consider whether these thoughts align with your desired life script or if they hinder your well-being and growth. Aim to reframe them in a more positive and realistic way.
The Power of Thinking Through: Uncovering Positive Alternatives
Engaging in thoughtful analysis can lead you to discover more positive alternatives. By carefully examining your thoughts, you may notice patterns where you tend to exaggerate physical symptoms and then find yourself trapped in negative thought loops, imagining worst-case scenarios if you were to become ill. When you objectively note these patterns on paper and recognize how they negatively impact various aspects of your life, you gradually weaken the grip of such self-talk on your well-being.
Through this exercise, you gain the ability to see the more accurate and realistic options available to you. Moreover, as you put these alternatives into practice and observe yourself over a week, you may be pleasantly surprised by the amount of mental energy and distress you can avoid by consciously and intentionally letting go of negative self-talk.
By engaging in this process of thinking through, you empower yourself to challenge irrational thoughts, find more constructive perspectives, and reduce the unnecessary mental burden caused by negative self-talk.